btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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