Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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