Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize