I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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