Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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