It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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