What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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