I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize