Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize