The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
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Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
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I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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