about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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