I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize