Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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