I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
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