fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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