We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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