I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
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