Please, let me fuck your mom
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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