Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize