He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
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I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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