At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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