His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
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Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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