Well douche your snatch and let's go!
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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