I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
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Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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