omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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