Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize