if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize