So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
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Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
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You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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