He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
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im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
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Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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