I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize