my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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