Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize