i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Randomize