Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
and you fell through a lawn chair
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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