woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
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I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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