maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
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Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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