you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
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Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
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I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The power of my boobs compel you
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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