i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize