I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
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He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
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I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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