He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Congratulations! We have a period
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