Porn is love you can see.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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