It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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