Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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