my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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