Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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