i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
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drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
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in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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