I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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