There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize