and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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