I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
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aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
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Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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